OK the floodgates are open now, it’s election free for all time when dangerous nutters try to get elected. Have they no regard for the consequences of their actions?

Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality (CURE) have launched their manifesto for securing a seat (shouldn’t it be a grave?) in Brighton. All right thinking people should consider membership of a new group The Zombie Abolition Corps, a small but growing band who believe the best place for the dead is either in an urn or 6 feet down, and if necessary are prepared to take action to acheive this. If you, like many others belive this and support the ZACs objectives then consider yourself a founder member of the PROZAC.

Cure’s Manifesto and the PROZAC responses are below

Cure wants to give the undead equal rights to the living
Yep, have to admit I agrree somewhat there, they both have the right to stay dead and lifeless. Anything else though and it’s time to meet mr 12 gauge

Cure wants to make cemeteries more comfortable for its inhabitants
Do zombies need comfort? who will measure this? This sounds suspiciously like another excuse for a publically funded quango designed to stop law abiding citizens exercising their right to dismember, behead and generally put zomies where they belong. Back in the ground

Cure wants to implement a robust social integreation programme for the undead, curing society of its prejudices
How about a robust program for educating the zombies that brains are best left in the head of their owner and are not a staple food stuff? It appears that the best way to educate them on this though, is again, Mr 12 gauge.

Cure wants to increase the minimum statutory retirement age to beyond death
Whilst the current government appears to have taken this approach already, and has a progressive phasing in of a madatory post mortem retirement age, PROZAC thinks that old age should be for lounging about annoying younger non-vitally challenged people, watching reruns of Shawn of the Dead, and practising with your 12 gauge.

Cure wants to permit the marriage of living and the undead
Whilst PROZAC recognises that this has in fact already happened between the living and the brain dead (see Beckhams, Jordan, any X factor contender…) the risk of their offspring becoming mindless drones endlessly conusming daytime TV and chicken nuggets until they inevitably progress to searching for living victims to harvest the brains from is too great. We are already seeing the first stages of this with the offspring drawn to the bright colours of Burberry and preventing their zombie flesh sloughing off by tucking their trousers into their socks. Firearms, training and ammunition should be issued to those who can prove they are truly alive (involving a simple test of asking who are the top 10 most important people in the UK. Anyone who answers with a footballer or Simon Cowell is instantly dismissed from the human race).

PROZAC believes life should be for the living. Brains are a limited resource (in some members of the population very limited) and cannot be spared for the vitally challenged to waste as a food stuff.

PROZAC believes the only good zombie is a dead, dismembered, beheaded and possibly burnt one, whose lifeless corpse has ceased its corrupt anti social rampage of murder and brainlust.

…Although, at least CURE haven’t called any voters bigots yet…

Leave a Reply

Categories