Posts Tagged ‘Aliens’

NASA Armageddon watch service the Near-Earth Program, based at the JPL have announced that an object that passed close to the Earth was probably artificial. It’s spectral characteristics did not match any known natural phenomenon and its brightness and radar returns suggest the object was only a few metres in size, and the pre-placed probable Alien insurgents suggest this is typical of a rocket booster body. The body transitted the Earth-Moon system much as our planetary probes do to other worlds in the solar system

Alien Probe Plan

Trajectory of the Alien Probe

Of course it would also be an ideal size for an interplantery probe designed to test Earths defences and assess the likelihood of a successful clandestine approach of the Xeno-Fleet to our planet. Having woken the sleeper cells and begun initial testing of Earth’s space defences their dastardly invasion plans (foreseen by Human Hyper-Boffin and figurehead for the fledgling human resistance, Stephen Hawkings) surely cannot be far behind?

The evidence is stacking up of the impending global land grab by the soon-to-be overlords from other worlds. You have just enough time to prepare. Ignore the infiltrated media lies and soporific outpourings of sedative TV designed to turn us all into vegetables ripe for the picking, prepare yourselves and your loved ones for the inevitable galactic conflict.

Good Luck, remember they are already among us and watch the skies.

The alien battle fleet is entering the solar system as we speak. Like all good B-movie flicks (there can be little doubt now these were a product of infiltrated alien propaganda to make us ignore the signs of our impending conquest and abduction as either slaves to the galactic conquistadors or pacification and domestication as a food stuff for the human-scoffing Armageddon-mongers) Our leaders and experts have sat by and done nothing to heed the alarming warnings of global apocalypse as prophesised by mega-boffin Stephen Hawkings, and we now appear doomed to reap the results of our scepticism and ignorance

Already they have turned our own technology against us, using the Voyager 2 probe in a final ironic insult before wiping us from what is soon to be their planet. They have corrupted its peaceful humane mission into that of a twisted xeno-signal emitter broadcasting their fiendishly encrypted call-to-arms back at the Earth, no doubt already activating their human-like sleeper agents to begin their sabotage missions in advance of the mother ships arrival in orbit and our imminent extinction.

The activities of this advance guard have been documented cryptically in the internet based info hub The Register. It’s thinly veiled intel reports for members of the Neo-Luddite Resistance Army list the invaders other attempts to subvert our technology for their own nefarious ends.

A few of us may live to carry on the resistance, in this dark hour we can only hope that ultimately humanity will prevail. Although in the cold logic of science and the hard maths of reason, having seen some of the x-factor should we be allowed to?

The vital work by Uber-brain Hawkings and alien visionary Prof Hausdorf may just have bought us the time we need to prepare and arm ourselves for the looming inter-galactic conflict.

Good Luck, and watch the skies…

Well, according to Stephen Hawkings anyway. Essentially the uber-boffin reckons we should be wary of announcing our presence to any sentient alien lifeforms in case they’re far too keen to pillage planet Earth for our resources. Or, to put it another way, they might be just too like us for comfort. Our history of cultural first contact isn’t exactly a model of ethical behaviour after all. From the Roman enslavement of other races to the European colonisation of America (North and South) time and again humans show their instincts.

Best hope there’s no-one with bigger toys than us out there then?

Stephen Hawkings Home page